Body-liberation-oriented parenting offers a refreshing approach in a world where body ideals and diet culture often overshadow actual well-being. Here are my top three key tips to help foster a positive and inclusive environment for your child:
Celebrate Body Diversity
Never Put a Child on a Diet
Associate Physical Movement with How it Feels
All three of these can be taught through modeling or exposure to fat community, including fat art through books and other media.
1. Celebrate Body Diversity
It would be super boring if everyone were the same. Tapping into genuine gratitude for the diversity of body shapes and sizes is easy-- bodies are cool! However, it can be challenging to address biases. A rule against talking about people’s bodies can prevent harmful or negative comments and reduce body shaming.
At the same time, celebrating body diversity involves discussing and promoting the value of different body types in a respectful and appreciative manner, avoiding any language that could be interpreted as objectifying or reducing someone to their appearance.
For example, highlighting the beauty of diverse body shapes in media and art may be constructive, whereas making personal comments about someone’s body is not. Make it a point to showcase diverse representations of bodies in your home—through books, media, and conversations.
2. Never Put a Child on a Diet
Be mindful of how you talk about food and body size around your child to avoid reinforcing diet culture. Avoid labeling foods with binaries like, “good” or “bad,” "healthy" or "unhealthy." Do the work to undo your own associations between food and morality, body size and health, and health and worth.
Parenting spaces are often unfortunately ripe with diet talk. Get support if you need it to keep yourself safe.
3. Associate Physical Movement with How It Feels
Encourage physical activity by focusing on how it makes your child feel rather than on how it impacts their appearance. Support activities that bring joy and pleasure or help them move through sadness, fear, anger. Some bodies thrive with more movement, while others may need less.
Movement needs will be different from day to day, as well. If we're breathing, we're moving. It's all good. Acknowledge what's already happening for your child rather than casting aspirations. It's a great way to get to know someone. From that deep knowledge you can better adapt the environment to give them opportunities to move that work for them.
Imagine how different our lives might have been if our parents had embraced these principles—celebrating body diversity, rejecting diet culture, and focusing on the life inherent in movement. By adopting these practices, you’re not only nurturing a warmer home environment for your child but also contributing to a world where future generations can thrive uninhibited by anti-fat bias.
Ready to explore body-liberation-oriented parenting or need support in other areas of parenting? I'm here to help you navigate these important conversations and any other challenges you might face as a parent. Whether you're interested in fostering a sense of body freedom or seeking guidance on different aspects of parenting, let's work together to create a nurturing environment for your child. Contact me today to learn more about how parent coaching can support you and your family.
Positive Discipline emphasizes five key criteria that redefine discipline as a means of fostering positive development and empowering children to thrive.
IS KIND AND FIRM AT THE SAME TIME
Respectful and encouraging
HELPS CHILDREN FEEL A SENSE OF BELONGING AND SIGNIFICANCE
Connection
IS EFFECTIVE LONG-TERM
Unlike punishment, which may yield short-term compliance, positive discipline focuses on long-term solutions that promote lasting behavioral changes and positive development
TEACHES VALUABLE SOCIAL AND LIFE SKILLS FOR GOOD CHARACTER
Respect, concern for others, problem-solving, accountability, contribution, cooperation
INVITES CHILDREN TO DISCOVER HOW CAPABLE THEY ARE AND TO USE THEIR POWER IN CONSTRUCTIVE WAYS
Reminds us of their capabilities too!
While these criteria form the foundation of Positive Discipline, it's essential to consider their broader implications, including their intersection with body liberation and privilege.
Positive Discipline strategies, such as setting limits with empathy and fostering open communication, can contribute to creating environments where all children feel valued and respected, regardless of their body type or identity.
However, it's crucial to recognize that implementing Positive Discipline effectively may present unique challenges for families facing systemic barriers, such as poverty, discrimination, or trauma.
As practitioners of Positive Discipline, it's vital to approach our work with humility, cultural sensitivity, and a commitment to equity and social justice. This includes acknowledging our privileges and biases, actively listening to marginalized voices, and adapting our practices to better meet the needs of all families.
By integrating Positive Discipline principles into parenting practices with an awareness of their intersectionality with body liberation and privilege, caregivers can contribute to raising children who are not only emotionally resilient and socially responsible but also affirming of diverse body types and identities.
For more information on Positive Discipline, refer to Jane Nelsen's books and resources.
I'm at a park with my nanny kids when a neighbor bikes past on a nearby road. One of the children comments on how slowly the neighbor rides. There is no right or wrong pace at which to engage in physical activity. "I wonder if the neighbor is as happy as I am that it's sunny with a breeze today," I say. "Feels so good to me to be outside." I want to create an environment of enoughness for this kindergartener while honoring that, so far for them, fast fast fast has always meant better, empowered. I want them to trust that slow can be empowering too.
This exchange made me think about how much parents' thoughts and behaviors around exercise and food may impact children's developing body image.
Body image is how a person sees themselves as well as how a person feels in and about their body. It is complex, and relates to their beliefs about bodies in general. Body image is not necessarily an accurate representation of how other people perceive one’s self, but is an internal, felt experience. According to Biolcati and colleagues (2020), body image is considered to be the mental portrait [from which] individuals form their physical selves. Cultivating a healthy sense of body image in children is linked to higher self-esteem and other health-promoting behaviors, while negative body image is correlated with lower self-esteem, depression, and disordered eating (Bologna, 2020). There are a variety of compounding factors that impact a child’s body image such as the media, peers, and parents/family.
Parents and families have a profound impact on their child’s body image, including the child's attitudes about body size and ability, starting at a very young age. Parents influence a child's body image and body size attitudes, in part, by their own expressions and evaluations about theirs and other people’s bodies. Negative body talk, which is characterized by “vocalizing self-deprecating evaluations of one’s own body in the presence of others,” has been shown to be a unique contributor to body image distress and disordered eating (Webb et al., 2015). Through negative body talk, parents and families may endorse unattainable body image ideals and align with the messages and images that children are exposed to in the media.
Negative comments parents say about themselves are detrimental for children to hear. I'm going to explain a little more about that, but first I want to say that if you identify with these examples, don't panic. You can make repairs with your child and make repairs with yourself at your own pace. It's okay to be where you are. Let's explore.
Negative comments serve as a model for children to subsequently critique themselves and others. Statements like, “I hate how I look in these jeans,” or “I shouldn’t have eaten all of those cookies,” are not as innocent as they might sound when you have young ears around. While it may seem harmless in the moment, when adults are critical of themselves, their bodies, or other people, children internalize these toxic messages and translate them onto themselves. For example, one study found that a child’s perception of their mother’s body dissatisfaction was correlated with the child’s body dissatisfaction in both girls and boys (Lowes & Tiggemann, 2003). Thus, if a parent engages in personal body image criticism, then the child begins to as well because it is normalized.
Not only do children begin to believe these "not good" messages about themselves, but they also ascribe these beliefs to their peers and to body size in general. Research has shown that children as young as four years old attribute negative characteristics to larger body sizes and positive characteristics to thinner bodies (Damiano et al., 2015). Additionally, research has found that preschoolers and young children aged five to eight years old prefer thin bodies, have biases against fatter bodies, experience body dissatisfaction, and are aware of dieting (Damiano et al., 2015). No one is born with these biases. They are learned. And quite effectively.
Negative body talk in the family can lead to less mindful eating, less body appreciation, and increased body dissatisfaction (Webb et al., 2018). When a child is taught, through seeing it modeled or otherwise, to focus on self-objectifying and self-degrading body assessments, it may disrupt the child's attention to their own internal bodily cues, undermining the mindful eating process. Additionally, hearing negative body talk reinforces the importance of the thin ideal and may imply that one’s body’s value lies in the way it looks. It overall conveys the message that bodies are something to be ashamed of and that it is normal to want your body to appear differently (Bologna, 2020).
The good news is that parents can also help to mitigate the impact of negative body talk on their children through the employment of certain protective factors. For starters, parents can help their children develop more positive body attitudes by working to unlearn their own previously held beliefs, biases, and behaviors around food, weight, exercise, and health. Parents can also work on the following:
Develop a household rule of no negative self-talk in front of children.
Employ a household rule of not commenting on others’ bodies. Instead, value aspects of the self that are not related to appearance or performance.
Model a flexible relationship to eating and movement and find ways to ensure that movement is joyful and not punitive or related to how one’s body looks.
Become a critical consumer of the media and challenge the media's messages with your children.
Parents are a tremendous resource and have the ability to help instill positive body image and self-esteem. While children will still be exposed to sociocultural influences, such as peers and the media, parents are in the unique position to counter the toxic messages their children receive around body image.
I'm at a park with my nanny kids when a neighbor bikes past on a nearby road. We’ve found some sturdy trees with low, thick branches to climb. The weight of my body is supported by the branch. I avoid the sap as I touch the texture of the bark beneath me. The kindergartener dangles from her knees, giggles, and we are enough.
References
Biolcati, R., Mancini, G., & Villano, P. (2020). ‘And yet I’m an adult now’. The influence of parental criticism on women’s body satisfaction/dissatisfaction during emerging adulthood. International Journal of Adolescence and Youth, 25(1), 599-608. https://doi.org10.1080/02673843.2019.1699433
Bologna, C. (2020). What kids hear when you criticize your body in front of them. Huffington Post. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/what-kids-hear-parent-criticize-body_l_5f36f2d4c5b69fa9e2fb7581
Damiano, S. R., Gregg, K. J., Spiel, E. C., McLean, S. A., Wetheim, E. H., & Paxton, S. J. (2015). Relationships between body size attitudes and body image of 4-year-old boys and girls, and attitudes of their fathers and mothers. Journal of Eating Disorders, 3(16). https://doi.org/10.1186/s40337-015-0048-0
Lowes, J., & Tiggemann, M. (2003). Body dissatisfaction, dieting awareness and the impact of parental influence in young children. British Journal of Health Psychology, 8(2), 135-147. https://doi.org/10.1348/135910703321649123
Webb, J. B., Rogers, C. B., Etzel, L., & Padro, M. P. (2018). “Mom, quit fat talking - I’m trying to eat (mindfully) here!”: Evaluating a sociocultural model of family fat talk, positive body image, and mindful eating in college women. Appetite, 126. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.appet.2018.04.003